Where I Come From

Where I Come From...

Life in Warshington County

Where I come from, there's no argument over po-tay-to or po-tah-to.

Everybody knows it's putatuh. Here are some more quaint phrases from Marietta, OH, along with translations.

Quaint Phrase	Translation
I collared this pitcher with an ornge crown.	I colored this picture with an orange crayon.
Did you see the car warsh on Warshington Street?	Did you see the car wash on Washington Street?
I was working at the consayshun stand when I found the illigal nucular waste.	I was working at the concession stand when I found the illegal nuclear waste.
On our tore of the zoo, we saw an iggle.	On our tour of the zoo, we saw an eagle.
I don't want to go feeshin. I'd purfur to watch televeesion.	I don't want to go fishing. I'd prefer to watch television.
I can't stand them re-tard people.	I can't stand those retired people.
Where's it at?	Where is it?
We was out t'Walmart yesterday.	We went to Walmart yesterday.
I need the arning board to arn my jeans.	I need the ironing board to iron my jeans.
That dog don't hunt.	That reasoning is flawed.
Let's hang out on Friday night.	Let's drive up and down Pike Street in my pickup truck, walk around Walmart, or drink beer in the woods.

(After I began collecting quaint phrases, I found a spiral-bound copy of "Appalachian Dialect", by Jim Cornett of Kentucky, at a used bookstore in West Virginia. His book is a big ol' dictionary of Appalachian words, with helpful example sentences. It begins:

A----------An. "I brought you a apern."

It amuses.)

Where I come from, we rarely have to worry about gangs.

However, those innocent days may soon be over. To the right is an example of graffiti that was recently found downtown.

Where I come from, people aren't judged negatively for being dark-skinned.

We do, after all, have 15 tanning salons. (That's 15 times the number of dermatologists in our Yellow Pages. We also have more bail bonding companies (7), more tractor dealers (6), more psychics (4), more bingo halls (3), and more hypnotists (2) than we have Starbucks (0). )

Where I come from, people enjoy many diverse sports.

Everywhere you will find fans of NASCAR, pro wrestling, demolition derbies, tractor pulls, drag racing, deer hunting, square dancing, and playing the lottery. (There was a local news article at World Cup time about how much Mariettans didn't care about the world's most popular sport. And, we have cow patty bingo. QED.)

Where I come from is the "crown jewel of Appalachia"...

...according to Mayor Joe Matthews. This display of hometown zeal was almost certainly unrelated to his bid for re-election.

Where I come from may not impress you at first glance, but our vibrant citizenry and our thriving tourist industry prove that our region is among the most beautiful, intelligent, and culturally advanced places in the world.

Anyone who suggests otherwise, for example on a satirical web page, risks being attacked in angry e-mails and anonymous letters. Beware!