Where I Come From

Life in Warshington County

If you come from the Big City to my corner of Appalachia, you may feel a bit lost at first. "Where are all the people?" you may ask. "How can you drive across town in 7 minutes? What are all those trees doing in your yard? What are those white things in the sky at night? You wave at your neighbors?"

Or you may just be wondering: "Why does everyone talk funny?"

Where I come from, there's no argument over po-tay-to or po-tah-to.

Everybody knows it's puh-tay-tuh. Here are some more quaint phrases from southeastern ("southeastren") Ohio, along with translations.

Quaint Phrase	Translation
I collared this pitcher with an ornge crown.	I colored this picture with an orange crayon.
Did you see the car warsh on Warshington Street?	Did you see the car wash on Washington Street?
I was working at the consayshun stand when I found the illigal nucular waste.	I was working at the concession stand when I found the illegal nuclear waste.
On our tore of the zoo, we saw an iggle.	On our tour of the zoo, we saw an eagle.
I don't want to go feeshin. I'd purfur to watch televeesion.	I don't want to go fishing. I'd prefer to watch television.
I can't stand them re-tard people.	I can't stand those retired people.
Where's it at?	Where is it?
We was out t'Walmart yesterday.	We went to Walmart yesterday.
I need the arning board to arn my jeans.	I need the ironing board to iron my jeans.
I bought this wheelbarrel at Crackel Barrel.	I bought this wheelbarrow at Cracker Barrel.
That dog don't hunt.	That reasoning is flawed.
Let's hang out on Friday night.	Let's drive up and down the main drag in my pickup truck, walk around Walmart, or drink beer in the woods.

For a whole, awesome dictionary of quaint phrases, developed independently by Jim Cornett of Kentucky, locate a copy of his Appalachian Dialect.

Where I come from, we rarely have to worry about gangs.

However, those innocent days may soon be over. To the right is an example of graffiti that was recently found downtown.

Where I come from, people enjoy many diverse sports.

Everywhere you will find fans of NASCAR, pro wrestling, demolition derbies, tractor pulls, drag racing, deer hunting, square dancing, animal husbandry, playing the lottery, and my favorite—cow patty bingo.

Where I come from may not impress you at first glance, but our vibrant citizenry and our thriving tourist industry prove that our region is among the most beautiful, intelligent, and culturally advanced places in the world.

Anyone who suggests otherwise, for example on a satirical web page, risks being attacked in angry e-mails and anonymous letters. Beware!